Originally livestreamed on YouTube 14 December 2020, this live album was performed and recorded to celebrate the first anniversary
of A Shiba's 2019 EP "Bunnyless/Relapse". Due to inexperience with streaming, the integrated webcam microphone was used for the audio,
which severely hindered the stream's quality. Luckily, a version was simultaneously recorded using a decent setup. Over two years later,
this backup was uncovered and touched up by A Shiba and mastered by Elijah Hennig.
This recording is by far the best way to experience the anniversary event, aside from going back in space and time.
Note; all even-numbered tracks are in parenthesis and include the word "interlude"; they consist of banter and explanations between songs.
This was kept in to preserve the feeling of being at the show, but you are free to skip these tracks or delete them entirely
if you only want to hear the songs and not the talking inbetween.
Tracklisting
SIDE A
1 - Song for those with BPD, PTSD, etc. (for Oliver, for you)
2 - (untitled interlude)
3 - Untitled Song abt. you in Eb
4 - (bunnyless interlude)
5 - Bunnyless (for Jacquie)
6 - (eight years interlude)
7 - In Eight Years...
8 - (selah interlude)
9 - Selah
10 - (solace interlude)
11 - Solace
SIDE B
12 - (you can borrow interlude)
13 - You can borrow it forever (for Brian)
14 - (silhouette interlude)
15 - Silhouette Song
16 - (result of interlude)
17 - The Result of You (for Brandon)
18 - (oedipal interlude)
19 - Oedipal Ouroboros
20 - (tenka-ichi interlude)
21 - This was Never Meant to be the Tenka-Ichi-Budokai
22 - (two dead interlude)
23 - We Found Two Dead Swans and Filled their Bodies with Flowers (teen suicide cover)
24 - (april 8th interlude)
25 - April 8th (Neutral Milk Hotel cover)
26 - (skull interlude)
27 - Skull Song/Gymnopédie No. 1
28 - (thank you)
1 - Song for those with BPD, PTSD, etc. (for Oliver, for you)
Do you wonder why people walk all over you?
It's because you're too naive for your own good
You can try all you want but you'll never carry it through
When it implies trusting people, which you can't do...
Oh, I know, you can't help those who
don't ask, for it first, but it hurts to
watch you, struggle, over something so simple
(even) I could do
-
Do you love yourself the way that your parents do?
And if they don't, well, at least the way they should.
They should've never projected their failures onto you,
They had no idea how bad it'd fuck you up.
Bet you, never, thought you could hurt another
And you'd ignore those fantasies
In which you get your revenge, or take it out on someone innocent
Who deserves better
Everybody's got something dark within them
It's a cursed place called "hell"...
Will you be Cain? Or will you be Abel?
... to live with yourself
3 - Untitled Song abt. you in Eb
I won't tell you, if you don't tell me
'bout a relationship we're in, apart
It'd only serve, to make us feel worse
than necessary, bunny
I still think about the day
you told me I destroyed you, so you destroyed me in return
I was at work when, I cried in front of a bustling crowd of patrons
but luckily, nobody noticed me
-
Anytime you told me about
People you've been with before, at all
I know we weren't together yet, but it still hurt to hear about
I still think about the time
You told me I was too rational to be spiritual
You were so right, it hurt
And it felt worse to be compared to others
-
Do you remember
The time I said
"I wish I had amnesia,
so I could meet you again"?
5 - Bunnyless (for Jacquie)
I miss a bunny
and relapse to where I need
a little solace (sometimes)
I miss that rabbit,
she was addicted to life
and all of it's things
(instrumental)
I miss that rabbit,
jumped over the moon and
disappeared forever
I miss that bunny,
'got too close and
now she's gone forever
A relationship built
on anything but the truth
is doomed
heed this, listen...
please
But if I love her, and I know I do
I should let her be free
(And the same... for me)
(I miss you, sometimes)
7 - In Eight Years...
A year or two in the making...
(well three... just about)
In eight years, you'll be four years older
(than me...)
I'm SO alone!
When you're not around to talk to
Some days there's things
I really wanna say to you... (or show you...)
But I can't... so I won't
I'm in love... with a girl
Sometimes it feels like I'm missing
someone important to my life
Then I realize It's You, it's Always You
and I deny it and try to move on...
You're ON my mind!
You're all the time...
I wish you were mine, and
I wish I was yours
9 - Selah
Constantly listening to depressing music
All the anxiety pills make me feel sick
Feel like I've never been happy before, nor will I be again
Days go by... no sign of an end
Wish I could be murdered
So I wouldn't have to do it myself
My friends will feel anger!
Instead of remorse and regret...
When I starve myself to death
I feel the pain, I deserve it
When I think about the future
Life's not worth it
(I don't think I'm
Ever gonna eat again)
Wishin' I never met you so you wouldn't be sad
When I pass
Wishin you outta my life
Not from dislike, but 'cause I love you a lot
And if we don't work out, that really scares me...
just the thought
(and now that you're gone
well...)
I'm constantly on the verge of another
Panic attack
Having to plan my schedule
Based around that
I want change, but I fear it
I want everything the same, but I hate it!
And now you're gone, oh God...
Now you've gone.
Voy a sentir mejor, en Selah
Voy a sentir bien, cuando pasara
Sentire mejor, en Selah
Yo, sentire mejor, cuando pasara
Invite me to your sister's wedding
And your dad's funeral
11 - Solace
Feel so tired, every night
Feel inadequate at the sight of other's success
Nothing gives me solace anymore, it seems
I'll, stay in my room and I'll lock the door... again
I don't know what to do at all anymore, these days
Another week like this, and I think I'll go insane
Insane
Insane...
(instrumental)
Don't know when but there's gonna be a day
Sometime in the future when I'm gonna pass away
Might be tomorrow, or in a few decades
All I know's that there's gonna be a day
I can't help but think back, to my cursed childhood
And all the time's I'd given up and taken comfort in
The pity and attention and the inverse of pride
And I don't like myself...
[a mantra]
I regret so much
And I will regret so much
There is nothing left
and there will be nothing left
The feeling that all
feeling never mattered at
all haunts me each day
13 - You can borrow it forever (for Brian)
How do you spend the time, waiting for something to happen always
Do I really miss you? Or am I just being too nostalgic?
-
Do I love you, or am I just romanticizing the past?
Do you reminisce about me the way I do you?
And I didn't believe her when she said, "if they cared they would've reached out by now"
I didn't believe that, for a second.
-
Do you remember the time my brother asked to borrow Rayman 3 for the GameCube, and you said...
15 - Silhouette Song
If paint is light, aurora borealis canvas...
silhouette of you is what got to me last night
And I can't help myself, and I can't help you,
anymore than you could.....
No amount of prints or paintings, no composition compilations...
is gonna fill the void that's in our hearts
No amount of still life studies, no courses and hours and hours,
is enough to make life worth it
Now that we're both here, there's something you should know
Somedays I feel less than human
And all the feeling comes back, and like tides they will sway,
and drive others away
Depressed, repressed, erect, a wreck,
I've been numb for more days than I can count.
And it feels like I've never felt anything at all
The longer you hold back
Something's gonna break
17 - The Result of You (for Brandon)
& when it all comes falling down, your fears will come true
& when it hits you all at once, I wont be near to comfort you
let it all come falling down, let your plans all fall through
let you realize what you've done, tell me I'm so right
and when you wake up in the morning, see the sky's a crimson blue
cascades scream and yearning, oleander's in bloom
& when the world just keeps on turning, despite what comes to you
& when people always move on, despite the horror of living
& when the issues keep on piling, & when the bad days turn to weeks
& weeks to months to years, & you can't remember the last time
you felt good....
Let it all come falling down, let it all come falling down.... {etc forever}
19 - Oedipal Ouroboros
You're so resentful.
You don't even believe your own two,
children when they say, uncomfortable truths
Standoffish.
You push others away, to the point,
where I haven't seen some family in about a decade
You, you can't be 50 and still care what your parents think to the extent that you do
and you, you can't be this old and still resent your little sister for being a spoiled brat all her life
and you, you should've broken the cycle of the Oedipal mother that stopped you from helping yourself
and now, I guess it's up to me to try and break free, from the tyrannical grasp of your past
and I will do so much better in honour of you,
I'll make up for the lost time, "you're out of line to me"
(instrumental)
My will; hold me... tell my mother i never knew how to tell her I love her
My will; tell him... despite everything ever, you remain to be my father
I will do so much better in honour of you,
I'll make up for the lost time, "you're out of line to me"
This, I promise
21 - This was Never Meant to be the Tenka-Ichi-Budokai
I'm in love
With a girl who always fights me, and I fight too
'Love you, Jude
But you're tearing me apart
I don't know how the fights do start
But it's always you
-
There's no greater pain
Than the remnants of a ruined relationship
In the words of Jim MarBurger,
"Life is grief, and flashes of ecstasy"
-
Oh, Judy
Anytime we test our relationship, it
never looks any better... no matter how hard we try
And oh, baby
We've been at it all damn day, lets
put our fists down, and
wont you please...
come back to bed
23 - We Found Two Dead Swans and Filled their Bodies with Flowers (teen suicide cover)
I don’t want to go to sleep
And I don’t want to dream
On a table or on the floor
In a car outside at night in the snow
Waking up in someone else’s bed
Something tells me I’m losing my head
I don’t want to leave
Just dye my hair and sleep
The world is ending in my dreams
Every week for the last few years
And when it really ends they’ll fill my body with flames
You and I will be a household name
25 - April 8th (Neutral Milk Hotel cover)
Crawl across toward your window
I'm calling softly from the street
Always a lonely widow
Half awake and sleeping on my feet
I'm of age but have no children
No quarter phone booth calls to home
Just late television
Inside my bedroom all alone
-
There is no use in waiting
Offer up your steps so I can climb
Show me all your figure paintings
Etched in the middle of the night
Let me stretch upon your carpet
Let me hear the rain tap on your street
Knowing I am safe on the inside
Blankets wrapped and drifting off to sleep
27 - Skull Song/Gymnopédie No. 1
Plant a seed in my skull
So a skull tree may grow
Modulate me...
Do with me as you will
I'm yours,
I'll be the vessel and you'll be the potter, now...
Bury shells in my grave
So my soul has a place to stay
Forget about me entirely....
Just move on.
I was never really there to begin with.
I've been gone a long time,
I should've left a long, long time ago
credits
released March 18, 2022
A Shiba - Performance, mixing
Elijah Hennig - Mastering
Stephen Matejka - Publishing
Odd-Oblivion/Enoch Duncan - Original Cover Art
Thank you to everybody who showed up, including but not limited to*;
Better
Darius Ortega
Darius Jenkins
Madeline Dougan
Carlo Serrano
Gwenyth Covington
Michael Chapa
Jim Eger
*Note that this list is only in order of appearance
Tracks 1-11 are originally off "Bunnyless/Relapse" (2019)
All songs written and performed by A Shiba except for the following
- Track 23, "We Found Two Dead Swans and Filled their Bodies with Flowers", was originally written by teen suicide
- Track 25, "April 8th", was originally written by Neutral Milk Hotel
- The latter half of track 27, "Gymnopédie no. 1", was originally written by Erik Satie
Please look forward to more music from A Shiba in 2022!
Woozy electronic music gets gilded with silvery guitars on the latest from the forward-thinking Illuminated Paths label. Bandcamp New & Notable May 6, 2019
An archival EP from Brazilian group Colônia, whose shoegazey, slowly swirling sound perfectly balanced melody and noise. Bandcamp New & Notable Mar 16, 2021
