"TL;DR these songs are about how much of a drama queen I am.
I originally made these two EPs in 2016.
back then i had an ok laptop with a copy of fl studio that i could use without crashing all the time, so i thought i could go ahead and actually make some stuff instead of just dicking around with the harmless plugin.
the original plan which i kept going on and on about all the time was that i would make 3 EPs, one dropping at some point during february-march, another one for summer, and a last one for winter, all of them building up for a full length release during 2017.
that plan did not go through because i had some difficulties getting these first two releases done (also i was a lazy twat) so i decided to make just 2 EPs and call it quits for a bit.
Loud was released in March 5, 2016. it may not seem like it but all of these songs has a bit of a meaning to them, for me at least.
Flowers was made as a bit of a reflection on a failed relationship i had with this girl, who btw i still have added on facebook, and about thoughts i had of giving her flowers someday.
Impractical is almost about that too, but it's more of me just being a real dick and not knowing how to talk to people without being rude or unlikeable.
Loud is an interesting one, originally the concept for the EPs was that they would all somehow be related to some drug (bc yknow i made them when i was 16 and therefore stupid) and with the first EP i tried to create that “narrative”, at the same time not being to obvious, so i thought of like how i could name this thing something related to weed without naming it something retarded, and i thought of how some of my FB friends at the time called weed "loud" so i just went with that. The song itself was actually the first song I finished and posted to soundcloud so I could show it to people and it seems that a lot of my friends at the time liked it, though I have no idea why the original mix was pure shit. Either way I went with this one song in mind for the rest of the EP and that’s how it was done, all of it stemming from this one song. I later decided to change the original mix for a slightly better one and that’s the one you’re hearing on the original release and this reissue.
Origami was originally not made for me but for someone else, I was friends with some dude who was a rapper (i already forgot your name bro I’m sorry) and this one was made as a beat for him to rap over. When I finished the track initially it had a different ending and lacked some other stuff I think (that mix is lost), the funny thing is that when he posted it for his album he put the instrumental on it’s own with nothing over it, so I thought it would be ok to take it and modify it a bit more for a release on my EP.
Restless Thought was released on November 26, 2016
The whole concept of this EP differed drastically from the first release, it was mostly revolving around feelings and thoughts i had regarding myself, my own gender, and a certain someone who ended up being my boyfriend.
Dysphoria was made with the intention of representing in some way the feelings I felt whenever I had one of these early and intense episodes of me not feeling like a male and being surrounded by people that never had this issue.
Don’t Even Bother was just a trap banger I attempted to make and intended to make an extended version of on a full length release later on, but that never came to be.
Crossdressing was a song that was inspired on The Avalanches’ “Subway” with a driving steady beat in 4/4 which I sort of tried to avoid up until that point. it was a song based on the experience I had when I first tried “crossdressing”, which at first didn’t feel like I was wearing clothes that weren’t suited for me.
STTR was made and fully completed in one day, August 3, 2016, which is the first week I spent in my relationship with my bf. The song was made very very quickly, I think I spent maybe 4 or 5 hours making the whole thing as the song was already pretty much finished in my head, I just had to put the pieces together so I could get a great song out of it.
Us was an improvisation piece made on July 27, 2016 which is the day we started dating. That night I had a lot of mixed feelings and thoughts in my head all of them both good and bad and I was just sort of overwhelmed with feelings to the point that I didn’t really go to sleep. The song was made in one take, it was recorded directly to the Edison plugin and was posted that very same night to my soundcloud, even though I left it on private as it was a piece made for myself. For some reason most of my keyboard playing moves around the same notes I played on this song, all white keys. This song was on the EP as a bonus track for everyone who downloaded the EP (of which I believe only 2 people ever did), but I decided to put it between both EPs because it felt like it belonged there, I mean I made the song in between making those 2 releases anyway.
For this re-release, almost 3 years later, I decided to do a remaster of both EPs and put them both together as an album.
Listening to these songs again brings back both good and bad memories, but mostly it reminds me of the path I took to become the person I am today, the amount of support I’ve had from my friends and boyfriend over the last few years, and how much progress I’ve made in such a short period of time."
To my boyfriend, Stephen
My 9 cats
Xerces (on bandcamp lol)
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released June 23, 2019